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  • The Raise


    Employee : I've been here for 11 years doing three men's work for one man's pay. Now I want a raise.

    员工:我在这里 11 年了,做三个人的工作,却只拿一个人的薪水。现在我要求加薪。

    Boss : Well, I can't give you a raise, but if you'll tell me who the other two men are, I'll fire them.


  • 某人刻苦学习英语,终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞, 忙说:I am sorry. 老外应道:I am sorry too. 某人听后又道:I am sorry three. 老外不解,问:What are you sorry for? 某人无奈,道:I am sorry five.

  • Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

    Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

    Stan: In the bathroom 。

    Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

    Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛) them!

    斯丹:我赢了 92 条金鱼。





  • Bring me the winner 

    -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. 

    -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. 

    -- Well, bring me the winner then. 


    -- 服务员, 


    -- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。 

    -- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。

  • Woman A told Woman B, 'I have the perfect son'.


    Woman B asked, 'Does he smoke?'


    Woman A answered, 'No, he doesn't'.


    Woman B: 'Does he drink whiskey?'


    Woman A: 'No, he doesn't'.


    Woman B: 'Does he ever come home late?'


    Woman A: 'No, he doesn't'.


    Woman B: 'I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?'


    Woman A: "He will be six months old next Wednesday'.


  • A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.""But ,officer, I ….""I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."


  • I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet pision for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges,delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"


  • The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.  

    One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?" 

    The wife said, "You may select the dish today."   

    The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"   


    "The others?"   


    "Then how to select?"   

    "Eat or not eat!" the wife said.



    妻子回答:“今天你可以选择。” 丈夫感到非常高兴,又问:“都有哪些菜呢?”   






  • After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"


  • Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

    "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

    "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

    The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."





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